Sometimes a song is worth a thousand words...

Originally posted on MySpace

12-07-2009

It's amazing how sometime's a song can so easily tell the story of your life.


Suicidal Tendencies
How Will I Laugh Tomorrow (Heavy Emotion Version)


Here I sit and watch my world come crumbling down (Crumbling down)
I cry for help but no one's around
Silently screaming as I bang my head against the wall (Against the wall)
It seems like no one cares at all

Always an emotion, but how can I explain; how can I explain?
Kind of like the scent of a rose, with words I can't explain, the same with my pain
Caught up in emotion, goes over my head; (Goes over my head)
Sometimes I got to think to myself is this life or death, am I living or am I…

The clock keeps ticking, but nothing else seems to change (Seems to change)
Problems never solved, just rearranged
And then I think about all the times that I've had (That I’ve had)
Some were good…

I search for personality. I look for things I couldn’t see
Peace and love flash through my mind but - pain and hate is all I ever would find
Find no hope in nothing new and I never ever had a dream come true
Lies and hate and agony; through my eyes that's all I see

If I'm gonna cry, will you wipe away my tears?
And if I'm gonna die, Lord please take away my fear
Before I drown in sorrow, Well I just want to say;
How will I laugh tomorrow, when I can't even smile today

Today (today) today; when I can't even smile today
Today (today) today; when I can't even smile today
Today (today) today; when I can't even smile today
Today (today) today; when I can't even smile today

You think something’s funny...
If you wanna laugh... why don’t you laugh at this?

So when I look outside my room
I see the world, but not the reason
What is done to me is not fair
You call it fair I call it treason
But I know not what to do
Give me a sign I'll take whatever
But if you want me here I am
Ain't gonna die forever

And I tried to hold ya
But you just turned away
And I tried to tell ya
But not a word I say
I cried out so loudly
But you just covered your ears
I gave you all the signs,
but you ignored my tears

So if you want me here I am
I sit here waiting for your decision
But my body fights my mind
I headed straight for a collision
So am I getting near or am I still
Looking in all the wrong places
But the only thing that seems to change
Are the looks on the faces...

And I try to hold ya
And I try to tell ya
And I gotta…

And I gotta, and I gotta, and I gotta, and I gotta, and I gotta, and I gotta, and I gotta,
Gotta, gotta, gotta, gotta, gotta, gotta, gotta

How will I laugh tomorrow? (How will I, How will I, How will I)
How will I laugh tomorrow? (How will I, How will I, How will I)
How will I laugh tomorrow? (How will I, How will I, How will I)
How will I laugh tomorrow? (How will I, How will I, How will I)

When I can’t even smile
Can’t even smile
I can’t even smile today
When I can’t even smile
Can’t even smile
I can’t even – I can’t even smile today
Smile today
But I can’t even smile
How will I laugh tomorrow?

Doesn't anyone...It seems like no one cares at all
Doesn’t anyone even care at all
It seems like no one cares at all
Doesn’t anyone even care at all
It seems like no one cares at all

How will I laugh tomorrow?
How will I laugh tomorrow?
How will I laugh tomorrow?
How will I laugh tomorrow?
When I can’t even smile today

Today (today) today; when I can't even smile today
Today (today) today; when I can't even smile today
Today (today) today; when I can't even smile today
Today (today) today; when I can't even smile today

Just Swallow

Originally posted on MySpace

04-23-2009

Just Swallow

Bass hitting hard
Vibration filling my soul
Bouncing, waiting for a break
You there beside me
Evil to the core
Fate only seen in retrospect
Memories haunting still

Reason, buried by reality
Belief it still exists
Amazing even shadows of faith remain
A bitter pill, more easily swallowed
With an explaination
For why it's in my throat

Subscription: Cancelled

Originally posted on MySpace

02-01-2009

A year in the life of… and what has been done with it. Everything… nothing… anything? Should there not be numerous autobiographical pages to follow; their contents paying tribute to momentous events and accomplishments achieved over the period of time to be documented? Something more than a predominately blank page, itself nothing more than a testament to an undying fear of change and concrete proof a certain stagnation.

A man once said “Life is what happens when you’re making other plans”. Happen: a verb meaning to take place, to come to pass, occur. Subscribing to that thought would mean accepting there is some form of motion in one’s life, assumedly a forward motion, as personal perception has lead itself to that particular point of view. If then, in retrospect, there is no motion to be found, neither forward nor backward, does the assumed lack of life suggest nothing more than misinterpretation, or connotate nothing less than death?

Perhaps it’s time to cancel my subscription.

Real Sex Psycho Alert - Control Your Cock or Someone Else Will Control Your Life!

Originally posted on MySpace

07-11-2006

This is for the men out there, and it's all about control, so if you want it, listen up guys! Wal-Mart sells 12 packs of condoms for about $6. They're small, easy to carry undetected, easy to use, and are 99.9% effective in preventing pregnancy and STD's. Raising a child, if you're man enough to care for something you helped create, is a lifetime expense of time and money. Treating and dealing with an STD can be uncomfortable, expensive, and in some cases deadly. Wow! Really, is $6 that much to pay to assure you don't have to have that uncomfortable talk with your doctor about what that spot is on your d*ck? Even more so, how about not having to have that talk about being a father until you are prepared to do it? That's worth $6, isn't it?

I'm not even gonna get into the 'pulling out' topic. That's not control, it's Russian Roulette and it still won't do sh*t for preventing an STD. Nuff said.

Yeah, I'm sure condoms suck. Birth control sucks for us too. It means filling our bodies with chemicals and hormones everyday, and dealing with the side effects of those things, some of which can cause life long problems or even be deadly. Yes, deadly. Hmm, I can't remember ever hearing of a condom killing it's user. Never the less, women who actually use birth control isn't the point here though, so let's move on.

If you use condoms, you're the one in control of your protection and your life. Oh, I know, men are always in control, right? Wrong! Women are notorious for taking control, and it's easy for us to get it. How? Convince the man that he's in control, when he really isn't. Come on, you knew that already... didn't you?

Anyway, everyone's had run-ins with pychos right? Here's an all too common 'for instance'. Let's say you meet this hot chick. You take her out a time or two, and want nothing more than to bang the sh*t outta her. She, on the other hand, wants a relationship. Ugh... the 'R' word. Of course, you're in control, so you're just gonna f*ck her for awhile till you get bored with her. Then she gets the, 'It's not you it's me' line, and it's all good. I guess you've got it all figured out. Well, so does your newest psycho. She's told you she's on something right? The pill, the shot, some kind of patch, whatever. It doesn't really matter, cuz this means you don't have to use those damn condoms and you're safe to blow your load where ever you want to. Hmm... but is your 'friend with benefits' telling you the truth? What proof do you have? Did you see her pills? Maybe they were old ones or they belong to her girlfriend. Did you see anything from her doctor documenting when her most recent shot was? Better yet, is that patch birth control, or generic 'Nicoderm'? After all, they look the same. So, you figure this is a bunch of extra hassle and bullsh*t, and you're gonna be just fine. She, on the other hand, figures she's gonna get you one way or another. Yeah, maybe she's gone on about how she doesn't want any kids, so she's cool right? That's pretty hard to prove though, since you haven't figured out how to read minds yet. Still, you're in control, aren't you? Yeah, until you get that call and find out you're gonna be a father.

Hmm... does that story sound familiar at all? From a guy's point of view, maybe it doesn't, since accidents happen all the time. From a girl's point of view though, it's all too disgustingly familiar. There are more chicks out there that contemplate this than you would like to believe. I've heard it all, and I just happen to think it's f*cked up enough to let you in on the secret. So, how do you assure that you're not only the one in control, but that you aren't involved with one of these psychos? The answer costs $6 a dozen at Wal-Mart. They come in every style, shape, color, material (non-latex in case one of you has an allergy), and SIZE (even OMG huge).

Psycho or not, don't take your chances. If you say you're gonna wear a condom and she says she's on something, remind her that birth control isn't 100% and you're being cautious. If she still complains or refuses to f*ck you if you're gonna to wear one, chances are you have a real psycho on your hands. So, what's better? Giving in and getting stuck with a permanent reminder of her in the form of child support or an STD, or telling her to F off and finding someone who is all about the same thing you are right now... some great sex with less of a chance of some f*cked up sh*t goin down?

Yeah, again condoms suck, and nothing is 100% but 99.9% blows the sh*t our of having to hear 'Where's my child support check', or even worse, 'You can't cure it, but you can treat it'. Guys, you can truly be in control if you choose to be; but slack off for one minute, and someone will be there to take that control away from you... without you even realizing she has it.

Women Are Like Apples

Originally posted on MySpace

05-26-2006

I'm not sure who wrote this, but it's so true that I had to pass it along. So... be careful where you're getting your apples from. After all, the only thing worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm... is taking a bite and finding half a worm. :)

Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes take the apples from the ground that aren't as good, but are easy.
The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along; the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

Do you smell something?

Originally posted on MySpace

05-25-2006

What is it about change that is so unnerving? Even when change is blatantly necessary, why does wallowing in your self-created pile of shit remain so comfortable? Perhaps it's because it's warm and familiar. Although it smelled bad at first, you seem to have become accustomed to it over time. The darkness, of the little windowless room you've hidden yourself in, keeps you from ever having to see what you're surrounded by.

Why are you so afraid to leave your prison and ever increasing pile of excrement? Upon opening the door, the light may be blinding and the sun might scorch your ever paling skin. Somewhere, out in that big, cold world you might find something that would bring you some measure of happiness. How terrible it would be to no longer have any reason to incessantly complain about how awful your life is! You might even have to put forth some effort to attain and retain whatever or whoever has made you happy. Aww... Boo Hoo... Sniff... Sniff... Sniff...

This is your wake up call! Quit your bitching and moaning; leave your pathetic little prison; and rejoin the real F-in world! Oh... Take a shower first though... you smell like shit!

Revelation of a Bull: Honesty and Friendship Triumph Once Again

Originally posted on MySpace

05-10-2006

I am a Taurus through and through. I can be more opinionated, stubborn, bull-headed, set in my ways, and uneasily swayed than most people I know. Occasionally though, as much as I hate to admit it, something happens that changes my opinion. It's not often, but when it does happen it's completely unnerving. Although I am willing to admit to my mistakes, albeit grudgingly, I'm still forced to reevaluate many of my other beliefs and opinions; just to make sure I'm still on the right track with everything else.

I've recently been forced to reevaluate a rather perplexing situation and my opinion on it. The result of which was not only difficult to swallow, but also meant having to distance myself from a person in my life. This is a person who, for a brief moment caused my long standing belief system to falter, and therefore almost caused complete chaos in my life. Fortunately, I was able to take the proverbial bull by the horns, confront the situation, and find out quickly that even those of us who are more careful and critical than most, can occasionally be deceived by someone practiced in the art.

The end result? I have finally, and thankfully, been able to return to my previous path and way of life. My belief system is still intact, and has proven once again to be where my heart and mind need to remain steadfast, regardless of outside influence.

I'd like to touch on honesty and friendship for a moment. I would never have been able to get through this without the honesty and support of the people closest to me. Also, I would never have found out the truth about someone else without being honest and upfront with that person, inevitably prompting me to remove that negative influence from my life. There is truly something to be said for being honest not only with yourself, but with others around you. Just because you want something, or someone, is no reason to lie, scheme, and connive to get what you want. There are always repercussions of our actions. It seems some people neglect to put any thought into how their actions will affect the lives of the people around them. Their only thought seems to be 'Me, me, me and F the rest of the world'. Perhaps this does get them what they want, at the moment, but what happens when they want something different? What happens when the challenge is no longer there; when there is no more game to play; when what they had to lie, cheat, and steal to attain turns out to be something other than what they thought it would be? Then what?

Good people will only remain unequally yoked with bad people for so long, if at all. Perhaps out of respect for a long standing friendship, they will remain there for longer than normal, but not forever. The good people in the life of a deceiver will undoubtedly inch away over time. Leaving them with no true friends, only random acquaintances. There are not many of us who are willing to spend time with someone who consistently takes and never gives in return. How long would you keep a friend who lies, cheats, and deceives without thinking, even occasionally, that friend might be doing the same to you? My answer is 'Not long'. My friends are good, loyal, faithful, and honest people. They are people I can depend on for enlightened opinions, good company, and assistance when I need it. I try my hardest to always provide them with the same. A friend isn't necessarily someone you talk to and hang out with everyday, but it is someone who likes and respects you for who you are, and who will always be there for you, as they know you will always do the same for them.

Deceit may look glamorous sometimes. It may look like the 'step on anyone to get ahead' people really have a great life, from a distance. However, spending a few moments a little closer to those people reveals an entirely different story. It is truly a sad and lonely existence; one without real love or real friends. Sure, lots of people want to be around someone who is successful and has money and charisma; but how many of those people will stay around when those things disappear? Very few.

So, ask yourself if you have true friends? Are the most important people in your life the ones who would always be there for you, even if everything else in your world was going wrong? Do you have friends that would be your shoulder to cry on, someone to listen as you speak honestly, and more importantly reply honestly, even if the truth hurts? If you're finding yourself lacking in this area, perhaps you should step back and evaluate your own life. Those of us who treat others well, as we would like to be treated, seem to have the same sort of individuals around us. Those who lead a life of lies, deceit, and ulterior motives to get what they want, also seem to be surrounded by the same sort of people.

Thank God for my friends... my unwavering support system, who are willing to tell me the truth, even if it hurts, and keep me on the right path, even when I stray. I will be forever grateful for having such an amazing group of people around me; and I pray that I will always be a good enough person and friend to continue to deserve them.